My eyes don’t see very well but I have realized that this is a gift because it has allowed me to view the world differently. I am a Christian. I am a mother to a wonderful 10 year old boy. I am a massage therapist that just wants people to feel well so instead of focusing on their aches and pains they can focus in what is important. Their faith, their family their passions.

Source: About

The First Step

I sit and pray and I ask God what do you need me to do next? What is the next step you want me to take? Then that phrase ‘next step’ repeats in my mind and I think of the story in Joshua When they were going to cross the Jordan River and they had to trust and obey God knowing there would be a way across. 

Joshua 3:13

13 ” When the priests who carry the Covenant Box of the Lord of all the earth put their feet in the water, the Jordan will stop flowing, and the water coming downstream will pile up in one place.”

See, God gave Joshua the instructions to cross the river. To take the first step to see what would happen. To see how God would get them across. Trusting and obeying but they had to take that first step to see. When they did the water did stop flowing and they were able to walk across!
I sit and think that I have such an ease in expressing myself in writing and if I’m in the company of close friends or a small group I have no problem using my voice but when I feel unsure or unsafe of those around me fear takes over. I don’t want that fear to consume me. I have to remember that I need to speak to first word and God will carry me through. I need to take the first step towards the direction God wants me to go and He will guide the way.

 I can no longer sit back and wait.

 I can no longer sit in silence. 

I must take action

I must use my voice

I must share my faith without fear or uncertainty

But I must speak the first word

I must take the first step.  

Love Anyway

“I’m going to love you anyway”
Sometimes I don’t feel your love back

I’m going to love you anyway

Sometimes I feel you don’t even think about me 

I’m going to love you anyway

Sometimes I feel like you have walked away never to return

I’m going to love you anyway

Sometimes I think you make other things or people more important than me

I’m going to love you anyway

Sometimes I feel hurt by your actions

I’m going to love you anyway

Sometime I feel you don’t even deserve my love 

I’m going to love you anyway

Sometimes You aren’t going to agree with me

I’m going to love you anyway

Sometimes you mess up 

I’m going to love you anyway

I’m not always going to agree with you

I’m going to love you anyway 

Sometimes you don’t feel your best

I’m going to love you anyway

Sometimes you are going to be so sad and down and feel alone

I’m going to love you anyway

Sometimes you are going to give up

I’m going to love you anyway

Sometimes you may forget me 

I’m going to love you anyway
-No matter what, love is more than just your feelings

It’s an action word that you choose everyday

No matter what

I’m going to love you anyway

Whether you deserve it or I deserve it God loves us anyway

When we turn from Him he awaits patiently with Love for our return

When we make other things more important than Him like money, sex, people, job etc 

He loves us anyway

We don’t even deserve His Love for how much we mess up daily but He loves us anyway

So why is it so hard to love our neighbors anyway whether they seemingly deserve it or not. Do you think you are always deserving of Love?

What a blessing for those that do love you anyway
“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”

John 13:34-35 

I would rather be single than meet someone who isn’t you

I would rather be single than meet someone who isn’t you

If I close my eyes maybe I could see you. If I close my eyes and imagine who you could be maybe when I open my eyes you will be there. Standing in front of me. Whenever I think of you, I wonder where you are, who you are, what you will look like and if possibly you are thinking about someone like me?

Do you even exist and will I ever cross your path? Can I see you? Hear you? When will it finally be time for our worlds to connect?

It is a mystery floating in the air. It is fun to imagine and daydream of you. I wonder how you will fit into my life? How I will fit into yours? I would rather be single than meet someone who isn’t you. There are so many “not” you out there. Will you be as I have imagined or even better?  

I wonder too if the opportunity has passed me by or will another chance present itself? I hope and I pray that when the time comes my eyes will be open and my heart will be healed. 

I imagine you will adore me and my son. My friends and family will welcome you as yours will welcome us. 

I don’t expect us to always agree but I do hope we always love and respect one another. 

I believe God is preparing me as He is preparing you. I believe we will meet and be together in God’s timing I’m learning to trust this more and more.  

I imagine it all to make sense and be completely magical. I imagine us working everyday together to show each other that love. I imagine us awake at night talking and sharing our faith. I imagine you to be my rock, leader towards God, my best friend, my forever love. 

When I am where I need to be and you are where you need to be then we will find our way there together

Until then you will only be a thought, a dream, a mystery 💫

Keep going

I have been told that I’m ridiculous for sharing my faith publicly because behind all this I’m not perfect. That somehow I have no right or no business sharing this with others because I mess up. I never ever have claimed to be perfect or holy. I have never claimed to know everything or have this all figured out. I know I am flawed. I know I don’t always say or do everything perfect. Whose standards am I trying to meet anyway? Who has the right to judge what I do besides God? If I am in the wrong please let me know because I don’t want to hurt others. I don’t want to do wrong by God. I want to please my Heavenly Father and I know I probably don’t always but teach me instead of judge me. Guide me instead of hate me. 

What if I’m not perfect should I not share God’s Word? What if I still make mistakes even though I go to church, pray, read the bible. Should I stop talking about Jesus? Because I’m a sinner does that mean I don’t have any right to share what I learned? Because I don’t always say the perfect things or act perfectly all the time. Should I give up? No! Absolutely not! And let the devil defeat me? Never? Give up on the souls I could reach? Never! No one is going to knock me down from sharing that God loves us perfectly even though we are not perfect. Do you understand He sent His Son to die for us?! Can you even imagine that kind of love. So even though I’m not perfect and I mess up God loves me anyway. And when I mess up I learn and pray for forgiveness and try to do better. Be better tomorrow if I’m given the blessing to do so. Can I ever repay God for all He has done? Unfortunately not. What I can do in my imperfect state is share God’s Word so we can all join together in His Love. We can love and accept one another Are we going to mess up? Probably. Are we going to hurt one another in actions and words. No doubt. But we have got to keep trying. Keep learning. 

Keep reaching for our Heavenly Father to guide us. 

Don’t give up

Don’t stop

Keep reaching

Keep praying

Keep reading the bible

Keep sharing

Keep encouraging 

Keep loving.  

He never fails

My God never fails me

His Love is always there 

My emotions do fail me

They leave me open and vulnerable to the enemy to attack my life and my relationships 

While emotions are normal part of human life

We must realize behind the scenes there is a spiritual warfare for our soul.  

God is protecting us and the enemy can do nothing to us unless we allow it. 

Feel your emotions but learn to control them

Feel the pain but give it to God

Feel the hurt but allow God to heal

I honestly believe when I am in conflict with others it is not a me Vs them it truly is the enemy trying to ruin these relationships. 

I’m not going to allow it. 

I will fight through. 

God’s Will be done in our lives

The enemy knows God is about to do amazing things in our lives and wants to stop that. 

He uses these emotions of anger, hurt and pride against us

We must stand. We must fight in prayer 

We must dive deep into God’s Word to protect our hearts.  

I will Stand and fight with you 

I will set my intentions to always see you with eyes of love

To always accept you and pray for you. 

The enemy will not win

God has already defeated him

Put on the armor of God and join me in being a Prayer Warrior!
Ephesians 6:10-18

The Armor of God

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities,against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith,with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.

17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

Hurts can be healed

Sometimes your heart has to be broken open to begin healing. 

When my son came home telling me of some the mean things kids say to him or each other. It reminded me of this story. It reminds me of the strength that came from my own struggles. It reminded me to teach him to have a voice but with kindness. That we never have to accept mistreatment but outer response can be with kindness. It’s not us against them how we react affects our relationship with God
My hope in sharing my story could give hope to others who feel they are or have been bullied. To find forgiveness for those that hurt us and realize God has a plan and He loves us and while it may hurt He will pull us through. There are people and resources that can help if parents, teachers, family, friends pull together and just be aware of what us happening to the people around nod us.  

My heart broke open writing this story and so did the tears. I never knew this is something I still carried in my heart. No wonder I fear of people really never sticking around. They eventually decide they don’t care enough anymore and leave. Or maybe it’s time to move on from. There are those I know and trust are always there even if it’s just in your heart.  

To my Pinky Linking Sister,
As a child I struggled wearing really thick glasses and being shy because I was unsure of a world around me I couldn’t see as clearly and easily as others around me. But I was a happy child. I had friends to play with. My parents loved me and always helped me so I never felt the struggle. One day my world changed. I remember 5th grade very clearly. One day on the playground, a group of girls I always played with approached me and said they didn’t want to play with me. They didn’t explain why they just walked away. I remember standing up against that elementary school building looking into the empty classroom and crying on the playground. How could they be so cruel. I thought what did I do wrong? I heard kids having fun and playing. That should have been me too. But I stood frozen staring into a window, devastated. It hurt. Kids are mean. 

The next year in 6th grade I suddenly had a lot of struggles. We still went to school with the same people. It wouldn’t be until 7th grade that all the schools merged and my life would change again and I would meet a lot new friends. Until then I endured girls teasing me. I started having petit mal seizures that the doctors struggled finding the right dosage to control them. I remember lifting my chair at the end of the day to put on my desk. But the chair fell from my hand as a seizure occurred right there. Right in school and no one understood. Somehow I made it through. My parents and my 6th grade teachers all talked to me and really helped me. Then my saving grace came along in a 4 th grader named Kristy. Her best friend had just moved away and she was devastated and she lived right by me we instantly bonded and became best friends. God knew we needed each other. God knew I really needed someone better in my life. He sent her. I believe that. Those other girls weren’t good friends They were never going to be. Sometimes God removes others and brings in better people in your life. As a kid problems don’t last long but They seem big at the time but if you have love and support and faith surrounding you. You get through it. To this day her and I are still friends. Though we don’t see each other much because of life and kids in my heart she will always be my saving grace and best friend.  

I eventually grew out of the seizures and made more new friends and grew out my shyness. Friends come and go but some are blessings and are constant. I’m thankful for them.
So to anyone experiencing any type of bullying, whether child or adult just know you are going to get through this. You have a voice. You have a right to speak up. Reach out. Do not go this alone. God loves you. You were made perfectly by him. Those people attacking you are broken and hurting too or they wouldn’t be doing this. Forgive them and allow God to lead your way. He will guide you out if this. 
I can look back on that day and forgive those who did that to me. Whether I knew it or not it was part of God’s plan. I look back now in tears but not in hurt now but of understanding of how God was working in my life. At 10 years old, same age my son is now. This is my call to teach him what I didn’t know. To tell him it’s going to ok and to feel blessed he feels he can come to me. 

Proverbs 6:16-19
16-19 There are seven things that the Lord hates and cannot tolerate:
A proud look,

a lying tongue,

hands that kill innocent people,

a mind that thinks up wicked plans,

feet that hurry off to do evil,

a witness who tells one lie after another,

and someone who stirs up trouble among friends.